Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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