smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
