dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
