i wish semen tasted like chocolate
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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