This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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