haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
