He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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