i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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