It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
