I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
