im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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