Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
