Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
