Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
