i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
