What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I still have a little drunk in my system
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
