Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
