She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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