if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
