i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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