I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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