walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
