i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
