Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
