Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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