Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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