Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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