I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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