It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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