my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
