Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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