Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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