all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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