fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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