i dedicated my morning wood to you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
NoShamevember. You game?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
