I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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