I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
