I got chris browned last night
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
