Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
