Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
did you just send me my own nude
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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