and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
