Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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