Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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