u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
