woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
