I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
