just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
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Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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