Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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