I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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