im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
