I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
