it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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