I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
