Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
