shes about as inviting as chlamydia
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
