It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
