apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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