I am puke
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You dont lie about slip and slides
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
