I got chris browned last night
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
