Your face is a jimmy john
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
