Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
