I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
