Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
