When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
