dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
