She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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