and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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