she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
