You can't special order awesome
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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