Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize