Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
