i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
