i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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