So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
