Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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