im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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