bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
