i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
